RIAA Declares Using Brain to Remember Songs is Criminal Copyright Infringement

On the heels of the RIAA's recent decision to criminalize consumers who
rip songs from albums they've purchased to their computers (or iPods),
the association has now gone one step further and declared that
"remembering songs" using your brain is criminal copyright
infringement. "The brain is a recording device," explained RIAA
president Cary Sherman. "The act of listening is an unauthorized act of
copying music to that recording device, and the act of recalling or
remembering a song is unauthorized playback."

The RIAA
also said it would begin sending letters to tens of millions of
consumers thought to be illegally remembering songs, threatening them
with lawsuits if they don't settle with the RIAA by paying monetary damages. "We will aggressively pursue all copyright infringement in order to protect our industry," said Sherman.

In
order to avoid engaging in unauthorized copyright infringement,
consumers will now be required to immediately forget everything they've
just heard -- a skill already mastered by U.S. President George Bush.
To aid in these memory wiping efforts, the RIAA is teaming up with Big
Pharma to include free psychotropic prescription drugs with the
purchase of new music albums. Consumers are advised to swallow the
pills before listening to the music. The pills -- similar to the
amphetamines now prescribed for ADHD -- block normal cognitive function,
allowing consumers to enjoy the music in a more detached state without
the risk of accidentally remembering any songs (and thereby violating
copyright law).

Consumers caught humming their favorite songs
will be charged with a more serious crime: The public performance of a
copyrighted song, for which the fines can reach over $250,000 per
incident. "Humming, singing and whistling songs will not be tolerated,"
said Sherman. "Only listening and forgetting songs is allowed."

Consumers
attempting to circumvent the RIAA's new memory-wiping technology by
actually remembering songs will be charged with felony crimes under
provisions of the DMCA
(Digital Millenium Copyright Act). The Act, passed in 1998, makes it a
felony crime to circumvent copyright protection technologies. The
RIAA's position is that consumers who actually use their brains while
listening to music are violating the DMCA. "We would prefer that
consumers stop using their brains altogether," said Sherman.

With
this decision, the RIAA now considers approximately 72% of the adult
U.S. population to be criminals. Putting them all in prison for
copyright infringement would cost U.S. taxpayers an estimated $683
billion per year -- an amount that would have to be shouldered by the
remaining 28% who are not imprisoned. The RIAA believes it could cover
the $683 billion tab through royalties on music sales. The problem with
that? The 28% remaining adults not in prison don't buy music albums.
That means album sales would plummet to nearly zero, and the U.S.
government (which is already deep in debt) would have to borrow money
to pay for all the prisons. And where would the borrowed money come
from? China, of course: The country where music albums are openly
pirated and sold for monetary gain.

When asked whether he really
wants 72% of the U.S. population to be imprisoned for ripping music CDs
to their own brains, RIAA president Sherman shot back, "You don't
support criminal behavior do you? Every person who illegally remembers
a song is a criminal. We can't have criminal running free on the
streets of America. It's an issue of national security."

Source: Newstarget